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5 Steps to Writing a Convincing eMail

Increase your positive feedback

5 Steps to Writing a Convincing eMail

Margie Davis No Comment

You’ve just sent a great email with a fantastic initiative, are you absolutely certain that you have structured it in such a way that’ll generate positive feedback? Most of the time great initiatives get lost among the lengthy, wordy and extensive emails. Next time, use the following checklist to ensure a high positive feedback.

1. Goal in Mind & Write the Conclusion First

As if this were a great surprise, make sure you start the email with a goal in mind. What do you expect to achieve with this email? What’s the point? Remember, when you’re vague you easily lose interest and will probably get the wrong idea across.

Starting with the conclusion will help land your goal. With business emails there’s no time to develop an idea traditionally (introduction, thesis statement, supporting ideas, conclusion). Just get to the point. In this example by Geoffrey James (Inc.com), the goal in mind is to get your boss to approve an in-house gym.

WRONG:

Jim,
As you know, employee absenteeism is generally recognized as an ongoing problem with a steep financial impact, both in our company and in other companies in our industries. [yada, yada, yada] Therefore, we should consider allocating money for the installation of a gym at our headquarter facility.

RIGHT:

Jim,
I want you to approve the installation of an in-house gym.

2. Bullet supporting arguments

With your conclusion written out, now you have to find supporting arguments to reassert its validity. You’re not writing an essay, and although we are usually compelled to write in a story-telling format, don’t. Remember to be clear and avoid vagueness whenever possible. Instead, use a bullet format in order to highlight arguments, stick to statistically accurate information whenever possible.

WRONG:

According to a recently published government report, group physical fitness is extremely important even though very few companies actually demonstrate a commitment to it! Many firms identify physical fitness as an undervalued competitive asset, but don’t have a plan for improvement in this area, even though physical fitness is strongly linked to corporate and individual economic and personal success. I feel that if we do not address the issue of physical fitness as it enhances workplace productivity, we will be left behind.

RIGHT:

An in-house gym will:
– Reduce absenteeism. According to a National Health Institute survey of 1,000 firms, companies with in-house gyms experience 20% less absenteeism than those who lack such facilities.
– Increase overall productivity. Data from xxx show that productivity is increased by 3 fold with an in-house gym.

3. Close with a call to action

Increase positive action by including a call to action when you restate your conclusion. It’s no surprise that advertising always includes a form of call-to-action in order to increase conversion rates, so do the same with your email. When specifically state what action you expect, and what the following steps are you will generate a higher conversion rate.

WRONG:

Your support for this project would be greatly appreciated.

RIGHT:

If you respond to this e-mail with your approval, I’ll get the process started.

convincing email writing International Business Academy Business English

4. Add a benefit to the subject line

You need an attractive subject line to generate sufficient interest to get people to open your email and to imply the conclusion you want the recipient to reach.

WRONG:

Subject: The Health Impact of In-House Employee Fitness Programs

RIGHT:

Subject: How we can reduce absenteeism

5. Remove vagueness and redundancies

Before you send your email, reread your email and make sure that the content within it is absolutely essential. Is there information that is redundant, vague or simply a filler? Edit those out and make sure it is as concise as possible. Compare the following two emails, which email do you think will generate the most positive response?

WRONG:

To: Jim@Acme.com
Subject: The Health Impact of In-House Employee Fitness Programs
Jim,
As you know, employee absenteeism is generally recognized as an ongoing problem with a steep financial impact, both in our company and in other companies in our industries. An in-house gym will reduce absenteeism because then people will want to come to work rather than stay at home and they won’t get sick so much. Therefore, we should consider allocating money for the installation of a gym at our headquarters facility. Your support for this project would be greatly appreciated.
Jill

RIGHT:

To: Jim@Acme.com
Subject: How we can reduce absenteeism
Jim,
I want you to approve the installation of an in-house gym. This will:
– Reduce absenteeism. According to a National Health Institute survey of 1,000 firms, companies with in-house gyms experience 20% less absenteeism than those who lack such facilities.
– Increase productivity. We have 50% more absenteeism than other firms in our industry, so reducing that number by 20% will automatically increase our productivity by 10%.
If you respond to this e-mail with your approval, I’ll get the process started.
Jill

Follow these tips and get positive feedback!

Sources: Inc, EnchantingMarketing

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